No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
