Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
