2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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