I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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