1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
