And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
