I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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