Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to get me chipped asap
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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