Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
