And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
