You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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