Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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