D3 body, D1 cock
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
