And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
