it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
