So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
