This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
