I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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