There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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