soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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