I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
