apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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