hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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