I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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