bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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