I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
