I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize