I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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