i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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