either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
