This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
