I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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