If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
