and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
