I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
