So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
