I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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