I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
