a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
