Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
