I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
