If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
