I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
