Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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