How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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