"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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