Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
