shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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