Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
another moral hangover. fuck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
