Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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