Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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