She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
