I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
