1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hippo gnu deer
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
