Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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