Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
