I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
