i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
