So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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