On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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