the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
