remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
