If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
