Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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