We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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