Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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