Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
