i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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