her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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