Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
