We're like a lot better than the average bears
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
