I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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