no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
