What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
