hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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